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Dark Lord

Rules For Men!

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Now it's time for the man's rules. We always hear "the rules" for the feminine side. Ok - we

are now going to hear the rules from the man's side. These are our rules!

1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:

- When a heroic dog dies to save its master.

- The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.

- After wrecking your boss's car.

3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his


4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12


5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you

actually marry her.

6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain

at will if the temperature is unsuitable.

7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man.

8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest.

9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the

game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing.

10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have had sex with her.

If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's

officially your girlfriend.

11. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical

beach ... And it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free.

12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in

the whohaws.

13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked.

14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed.

15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything.

16. Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they

demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports


17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to


18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both,

that's just greedy.

19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of


20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's

withholding sex pending your response.

21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights:

- Yeah, Baby, Push it!

- C'mon, give me one more! Harder!

- Another set and we can hit the showers!

22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing (I.e., both urinating,

both waiting in line, etc.). For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all

the conversation you need.

23. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

24. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to

have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary.

25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours.

26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue.

27. The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you

loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox. End of story.

28. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever.

29. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference

between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below:

'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with The guys, being assaulted by your wife

with a broom, And having the guts to say, 'are you still cleaning or are you flying


'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer,

lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're

next fatty!'

From some Counter-Strike forum i visited at random :P

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Some of those are pretty homophobic, if you think about it.

Yeah I thought that too.

What hapened to a man shall never hit a lady! Should be in there!

Really, we men should go back to being gentlemen.

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Glad to see I'm not the only "old schooler" around here.

Yo, I used to wear Speedos!

But we won't hold that against you. :lol:

Balls is giving her a gift that shows how much you really care, a SHOTGUN! (did that first year I was w/ Mamma Kitty.)

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