Bar27262 Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 (edited) James woke up when there was a big bang by the railroad and checked outside and seen a Military tanker train leaking goo from a crash with a truck carrying loads of cooked Burgershot food to deliver at a richmans mansion the goo was odd to james James:Ehhhhh...I need get back to san andreas Eleetz X city is Not good too many skyscrapers and business's James ran outside and mounted a bike and drove to Eleetz X International airport which was full of airport traffic James wonderered how Many people would travel at 4 a clock in the morning And drove to the gate and asked the guard to get in and james showed his pilot id and the gaurd opened the gate and then noticed a flood of green blob coming and the guard hopped on his bike and rided with him. James:What the Hell? Guard:Scuse me sir but i dont want be eatten by a blob James and the guard arrived at james small jet that was size of door and there was two seats for people they both got on and begin to fly back to san andreas They didnt notice the jet had a small piece of the goo and when they landed at los santos airport it got on the runway and begin to muitiply and they got out of the jet and got on the bike that was strapped to james jet and rode off to the gate And the the blob was growing more & more and then got out of airport traveling every where it could go and then they rode to CJ's house and picked up him and sweet and drove off to a house in the woods where they was with taylor and then Cezar came and so did CJ's sistor and we took shelter and more and we begin to build a rocket and some space suits then the blob came to them it destoryed every building and car and then they begin to fire up the rocket and got inside and the rocket blast begin to burn the blob and it flyed at the other blob and begin to burn it and the people who was in blob was free and they begin rebuilding San andreas and they lived happily ever after and they went to sweets mansion to to get a family picture then all sudden two people entered the story Samil & Bar27262:Ey guys Just popping in on the story Sweet:Ah go suck a dick Man Bar27262:I got the typing hands you know i can erase you from the story. Samil:Yeah bars right so Shut the fuck up. Samil & Bar:We both can make cameo apperances you know? Sweet:Oh yeah thats right. Then the picture was taken and they was in it Then some curtins rolled down and daffy duck appeared saying:THATS ALL FOR NOW FOLKS. Then the credits begin to roll up, CREDITS: Samil:For making a cameo appearance and giving me the idea Myself:For writing it. Thegtaplace:Making this forum so i can post this. People:For looking at this great story. ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CJ's sister baby:SEQUAL! Unknowen voice:Yeah there will be sequal for sure! Edited August 10, 2008 by Bar27262 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samil Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 Heh ... nice.Very nice.I liked the part with the erase.Kinda copyed me but I don't care.But I saw some words that were repeated like "to to" ... lol.But althrough the story was awesome and if I have to rate it from 1 to 10 I'll give you 11+ . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bar27262 Posted August 10, 2008 Author Share Posted August 10, 2008 Heh ... nice.Very nice.I liked the part with the erase.Kinda copyed me but I don't care.But I saw some words that were repeated like "to to" ... lol.But althrough the story was awesome and if I have to rate it from 1 to 10 I'll give you 11+ . Thanks you x] You can help me on sequal x] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samil Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 Now I'm working on another story.It'll be ready in an hour max.I'll put you too in the story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrLlamaLlama Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 All well and good you guys contributing to the community and stuff, but if you dont add any punctuation to any of your work ts not going to get very popular. It needs to be easy to read and flow well... if the reader has to dream up where the punctuation would go themselves, it just interrupts the flow of the text and you wont get many positive replies. Something to think about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EvoLuTioN Posted August 10, 2008 Share Posted August 10, 2008 You guys have some good stories, but as Llama and many other guys have suggested used some punctuations. Here's a bit of comparison James woke up, there was a big bang by the railroad. He checked outside and saw a Military tanker train had crashed into a truck carrying loads of cooked Burgershot food to deliver at a rich man's mansion. The leaking goo from which was odd to JamesJames: Ehhhhh...I need get back to san andreas Eleetz X city is Not good, too many skyscrapers and business's. He ran outside, mounted a bike and drove to Eleetz X International airport which was full of airport traffic. James wonderered how many people would travel at 4 O'clock in the morning, He drove to the gate and asked the guard to get on showed him his pilot id and the gaurd opened the gate and then noticed a flood of green blob coming and the guard hopped on his bike and rided with him. James: What the Hell? Guard: Scuse me sir but i dont want be eatten by a blob. ...... James woke up when there was a big bang by the railroad and checked outside and seen a Military tanker train leaking goo from a crash with a truck carrying loads of cooked Burgershot food to deliver at a richmans mansion the goo was odd to jamesJames:Ehhhhh...I need get back to san andreas Eleetz X city is Not good too many skyscrapers and business's James ran outside and mounted a bike and drove to Eleetz X International airport which was full of airport traffic James wonderered how Many people would travel at 4 a clock in the morning And drove to the gate and asked the guard to get in and james showed his pilot id and the gaurd opened the gate and then noticed a flood of green blob coming and the guard hopped on his bike and rided with him. James:What the Hell? Guard:Scuse me sir but i dont want be eatten by a blob Which are you more comfortable reading? Also try and improve the flow of the story a bit! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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