Samil Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 (edited) ----EL CASTILLO DEL DIABLO---- MASS GRAVE It was afternoon.CJ, Sweet and 2 homies were driving through the desert.Suddenly, the car ran out of fuel near El Castillo del Diablo.CJ, went back of the mountain to pee and there he saw a pit with six bodybags.He shouted at Sweet. *CJ: Sweet!! *Sweet: CJ?! What the fuck happened? You alright? *CJ: Take a look! *OG1: Holy shit! *CJ: Yeah I know! *OG2: Bodybags! Someone dropped them here. *OG1: We better call the cops! *Sweet: And the news! *CJ: Wait ... let's check a bag! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- CJ opened a bag and saw the body of officer Hernandez.Now he was really shocked.He called the news and the cops.It took only 5 minutes for them to come. Back to Grove street, Kendl was watchin WCTR News with Lianne Forget who was at El Castillo del Diablo. *Lianne: We are at El Castillo del Diablo with the person who found the bodybags.Sir could you tell us how you found the bodybags? *CJ: Well our car ran out of gas and we parked near the road.I went behind the rock to ... pee when I saw the bodybags. *Lianne: And you opened a bodybad? Just to see who is there? *CJ: Yeah I opened a bag and saw a cop.He was officer Hernandez. *Lianne: Hernandez? He is ... Before Lianne could finish her sentence she was shot.Some red necks appeared and started shooting at everybody.The cops and Grove street families took their weapons and startd shooting at the red necks but they were to many.Back at Grove street, when Kendl saw that they were underfire ran outside. *Kendl: Heelp! CJ and Sweet are under attack! *OG3: Where? *Kendl: In the desert.By some red necks. *OG4: We going to bring the cars. *Kendl: I'm going to take Cesar! ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Kendl, Cesar, Sunny, Gal, Hazer and some homies went to El Castillo del Diablo.There they found the Grove street families and cops fighting with the red necks.They started shooting them too.Seeing that they have no chance infront of them, the red necks retreated.But CJ wanted justice.Sweet came with a car and took CJ.They followed the rd necks trucks and CJ was doing a drive-by.The red necks stopped at the Snake Farm.Out of the farm came the leader, a guy in a black trenchcoat.He had an AK.CJ and Sweet got out of the car, took their Mp5's and started shooting at them.More red necks came with more trucks and a truck had a 50. Cal machine-gun.CJ and Sweet took cover.Suddenly, Cesar and the 3 veteranos came. *Cesar: Hang on ese! They started shooting at the red necks like mad and destroyed the truck with the machine-gun.All red necks were dead and CJ went to the boss.The boss, scared dropped his gun.CJ was about to knock him with the pistol but insteat he shot him in the head.Then he returned to El Castillo del Diablo, took a medic kit and healed Lianne.She thanked them and said that she will make an interview with them.They returned to Grove street and did a serious party. -------END-------- Edited August 11, 2008 by Samil Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bar27262 Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 Nice ;] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samil Posted August 11, 2008 Author Share Posted August 11, 2008 Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockstarrem Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 May I suggest taking a different approach? Try a normal paragraph form. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samil Posted August 11, 2008 Author Share Posted August 11, 2008 Hey I know you're a mod and sorry I have to tell you this but ... you are annoying!! More annoying than my dad! Once again sorry. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrLlamaLlama Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 He's only trying to HELP YOU IMPROVE. Take the advice or leave it. Just tell him you prefer your system and leave it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockstarrem Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 Hey I know you're a mod and sorry I have to tell you this but ... you are annoying!! More annoying than my dad! Once again sorry. Stop asking for people's opinions then, you're a horrible writer and deserve to be shot. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TM™ Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 Hey I know you're a mod and sorry I have to tell you this but ... you are annoying!! More annoying than my dad! Once again sorry. Stop asking for people's opinions then, you're a horrible writer and deserve to be shot. Kind of rude, but lol. Samil, what you need to do is stick to one of your Fanfics (Stories) and improve on it, thus giving you some improvements and may get some members interested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rockstarrem Posted August 11, 2008 Share Posted August 11, 2008 Hey I know you're a mod and sorry I have to tell you this but ... you are annoying!! More annoying than my dad! Once again sorry. Stop asking for people's opinions then, you're a horrible writer and deserve to be shot. Kind of rude, but lol. And what he said wasn't? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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