Alright, let's do it:
Economics: The Simoleon is high today, being worth US$5.00. If you're arriving from SimNation, hurry and exchange your simoleons into dollars before it falls again.
Politics: The Combine have finally chosen the new Earth Administrator. His name is Gordon Frohman (Frohman, not Freeman) and he seemed very capable of continuing Wallace Breen's great job.
Sports: Harry Cane, better known as "Horse-Cock Harry", was the winner of the 69th World Fucking Cup, held at Colosseum, in Rome . During his show, he fucked all the 80 women, the whole crowd watching the action, and also all the reporters who were reporting the event. Actually, Lazlow Jones, San News reporter who was there, was one of them, and now discovered that he is pregnant. Isn't that great?
Cooking: A Jill sandwich is a zombie delicacy, prepared by crushing S.T.A.R.S. member Jill Valentine (of Resident Evil fame) in a room with a slowly-descending ceiling. When Jill is reduced to a nice, squishy pulp, spread the resulting pulp between two slices of bread and enjoy a nice snack. It was created by sandwiches-expert Barry Burton, and is said to be video-game superstar Chris Redfield's favorite meal.