Unbelievable.
Well, after I decided that I would install Ubuntu to my Flash Drive so that I could get out of that low-res bullshit, I accidentally selected boot from CDROM rather than Flash Drive.
Since there was nothing in the CD Drive, it proceeded to boot Vista. I said WTF, I'll give it a chance.
I did absolutely nothing and now all of a sudden out of the blue it just randomly works. WTF.
Only bad news is that since I had restored a backup from November 30th, I have to get back all my shortcuts, downloads, programs installed since then, etc. And even though Thunderbird isn't installed on the drive I restored to (It's on my 1TB HDD not the SSD which Windows is on) all my emails since November 30th and all Firefox saved passwords since then are gone.
So, I've got a bit of a mess to clean up now, but at least it works!
EDIT: Well I've got it all back to normal except that all my emails since Nov. 30th are gone.