[Jack Black (Narrator)]
A long ass fuckin' time ago,
In a town called Kickapoo,
There lived a humble family
Religious through and through.
But yay there was a black sheep
And he knew just what to do.
His name was young J.B. and he refused to step in-line.
A vision he did see-eth
Fuckin' rockin' all the time.
He wrote a tasty jam and all the planets did align
[Jack Black (Son)]
Oh the dragons balls were blazin' as I stepped into his cave,
Then I sliced his fuckin' cockles,
With a long and shiney blade!
'Twas I who fucked the dragon,
Fuckalize sing-fuckaloo!
And if you try to fuck with me,
Then I shall fuck you too!
Gotta get it on in the party zone!
I gots to shoot a load in the party zone!
Gotta lick a toad in the party zone!
Gotta suck a chode in the party zone!
[Crying]
[Meat Loaf (Father)]
You've disobeyed my orders, son,
Why were you ever born?.
Your brother's ten times better than you,
Jesus loves him more.
This music that you play for us comes from the depths of hell.
Rock and roll's The Devil's work, he wants you to rebel.
You'll become a mindless puppet;
Beelzebub will pull the strings!
Your heart will lose direction,
And chaos it will bring.
You'd better shut your mouth,
Better watch your tone!
You're grounded for a week with no telephone!
Don't let me here you cry,
Don't let me hear you moan!
You gotta praise The Lord when you're in my home!
[Jack Black (Son)]
Dio can you hear me?
I am lost and so alone.
I'm askin' for your guidance.
Won't you come down from your throne?
I need a tight compadre who will teach me how to rock.
My father thinks you're evil,
But man, he can suck a cock.
Rock is not The Devil's work,
It's magical and rad.
I'll never rock as long as I am stuck here with my dad
[Ronnie James Dio (Dio poster)]
I hear you brave young Jaybles,
You are hungry for the rock.
But to learn the ancient method,
Sacred doors you must unlock.
Escape your father's clutches,
And this oppressive neighborhood.
On a journey you must go,
To find the land of Hollywood!
In The City of Fallen Angels,
Where the ocean meets the sand,
You will form a strong alliance,
And the world's most awesome band.
To find your fame and fortune,
Through the valley you must walk.
You will face your inner demons.
Now go my son and rock!
[Jack Black (Narrator)]
So he went from fuckin' Kickapoo With hunger in his heart;
And he journeyed far and wide to find the secrets of his art;
But in the end he knew that he would find his counterpart.
Rooooock. Rah-ha-ha-ha-hock. Raye-yayayayaye-yock
Can't you see he's the man, let me hear you applaud
he is more than a man he's a shiny golden god.
If you think it's time to fucking rock, and fucking roll, out of control,
well then you know you got to rock the block,
and fucking suck my fucking cock,
'cause when you rule, you fucking school all of the fools, out of their jewels,
'cause if you think it's time,
if you think it's time,
if you think it's time to fucking rock.
He is going to kick your fucking ass,
and you know his name is Kyle Gass,
rocking and fucking rolling,
and fucking rocking,
and fucking rolling,
and fucking [vocal solo]...
I can't get to sleep tonight
No matter how hard I try
Cause it's cold and it's dark
And the wind is a whistlin'
And I can't seem to put out the light
Momma's been searching for baby
But baby been tryin' to get home
Cause it's cold and it's dark
And the moon cannot light the way
And Daddy's gone, bye bye
I'm just a babyyyyy
[crying]
[JB]
I've had this birthmark since I was born,
It's the name of our fucking band dude.
[KG]
I have an ass mark too
This is a song called the history of Tenacious D
And its not just a list of bullshit that we've done in the past
It's a chronicling of our rise, to power!
We ride with kings on mighty steeds
Across the devils plain
We've walked with Jesus and his cross
He did not die in vain, NO!
We've run with wolves, we've climbed K2
Even stopped a moving train
We've traveled through space and time my friends
To rock this house again, rock!!
We ride and we ride and we'll never subside
And we'll ride till the planets collide
And if you say that we do not ride
I'll tan you're fucking hide, ride!!
Kyle's fingers be silver, Jacks voice then be gold
But lest you think we're vain
We know you're all robots and we don't care
Tenacious D, we reign!
We rei-eign, supreme, ooooh god!!
Burrito supreme, and a chicken supreme
And a cutlass supreme
Supreeeeeme yeaaaaaah
go now Kyle! 1-2-3
Supreme!!!
The government totally sucks
You motherfucker
The government totally sucks
Ben Franklin was a rebel indeed
He liked to get naked while he smoked on the weed
He was a genius but if he was here today
The government would fuck him up his righteous A!
Now let me tell you something about the government (uh huh)
They're fucking up the environment (say what?)
They're taking all the fucking beautiful animals (yeah?)
And making them fucking extinct (oh no!)
The government totally sucks
You motherfucker
The government totally sucks
The government totally sucks
Cos the land of love and freedom,
Is just a baby's breath away
And if we hold hands together
We can bring back the USA
The USAAAAAA, yeah!
Bring back the USAAAA, yeah!
The fucking USAAAA yeah!
Bring back the US!
Government totally sucks!
[Lee] That was amazing, you changed people's lives tonight!
[JB] yeah it was awesome, compared to bullshit!
Aaah! Arghhh!
I do not need, (he does not need)
a microphone (a microphone)
My voice is fuckin, (fuckin)
Powerful!!
Aaah!! Arghhh!
Sorry
I did not mean, (he did not mean)
to blow your mind (to blow your mind)
But that shit happens to me,
all the time!
Now take a look (take a look)
tell me what do you see? (tell me what do you see?)
We've got the Pick of Destiny!
AAAH! Arghhh!!
What's it gonna be Kyle?
You have to decide.
Tits or destiny?
Tits.
Whooooahahaha! Ahhh!!!
WHYYYY GO!!
Sasquatch] Arrgggghhhh!
[JB] Arrrggghhhh!
[sasquatch] That's good, lets go an adventure,
[JB] Yeah, la la la
[sasquatch] I've got lots to show you, la la la
[JB] Can i be a sasquatch too? la la la
[sasquatch] You already are la la la you're my son JB, my wittle baby sass, la la la la la la la la la la la la
[JB] Ahhh.
[sasquatch] Lets take a dip in the strawberry river, (la la la)
[JB] Yay!
[sasquatch] C'mon! (C'mon baby lets go!)
Here we go, here we go, here we go,
Ooh la la la, oo papagenu, he's my papasass!
Ooh la la la, oo papagenu, he's my sassafrass!
Here we go, here we go, here we go,
Ooh la la la, oo papagenu, he's my papasass!
Ooh la la la, oo papagenu, he's my sassafrass!
[JB] Wheeeee!
[sasquatch] We're flying!
[JB] We're flying!
[sasquatch] Hold on boy!
[JB] Down where the sasquatch hide,
In the misty mountainside,
He's got shiny diamonds that he's got to protect,
Look into the sasquatch eye,
Did you know that sass could fly?
Sasquatch is my daddy and he's going to protect, me!
Half man, half machine,
On the cover of a magazine,
Bigfoot is my father and he's got to protect, me!
These lyrics don't make sense,
Think i've found the evidence,
That yeti is my papa and he wants to protect, me!
Dude, i totally miss you
I really fucking miss you
I'm all alone,
All the time, all the time
Dude, i totally miss you
The things we did together
Where have you gone?
Totally miss the honesty
And special times, and honestly
I totally miss the fucked up thing ya do
Dude, i totally miss you
I totally miss you
Dude, i totally miss you
All the time
Ahhhhhhhhhh, aaaaaah
Ahhhhhhhhhhhh, aaaaaah
aah ya-he haaa.
Totally miss the honesty
And special times, and honestly
I totally miss the fucked up thing ya do
Dude, i totally miss you
I totally miss you
Dude, i totally miss you
All the time
The mission is clear,
i'm going over there
I'm going to do the mission
I flip around the corner,
flat as a pancake
And then i- oh noo! A camera
Stay back here,
devise a plan
Dive into the bushes
Against all odds
Infiltrate,
storm the gates!
storm the gates!
Ninja style,
samuri (Storm the gates!)
Metal pole,
climb that shit (Storm the gates)
Climb into that mother-fucker
Now i'm climbin up,
up on the roof
I got cat-like reflexes
Against all odds
Infiltrate,
oh! storm the gates!
Two air-vents on the roof,
thats what the guy was talkin a- Shit!
Electric Eye
Infiltrate,
storm the gates!
storm the gates!
storm the gates!
Car chase city,
That's the name,
Of my game.
It was all proven,
Now its totally lame!
KG really fucking,
Blew us some ass!
Now we're fucking,
Headed for a,
Total collapse!
Car chase city,
Roll away from a bus!
Thought that we wasn't,
But we totally was!
Car chase city,
Now we're off on the map!
Car chase city,
Now I'm takin' a crap!
Now it's getting hairy,
So we're changin' the key.
Never underestimate,
The power of E!
KG fuckin' put his foot on the gas!
If I go to prison, got the Pick in my ass!
Fuck this shit!
It's gone too far!
Kage pull over, let me out of the car!
Car chase city,
Now we're taking the lane!
KG blew it,
Now we're going insane!
Let's rock!
Let's roll!
Let them try to fill up the hole!
Let's rock!
Let's roll!
Car chase city patrol!
Car chase city!
Car chase city-ah!
Car chase city!
Let's rock!
Let's roll!
Car chase city patrol!
Let's rock!
Let's roll!
Just a fuckin' rigmarole!
Uh!
Piss!
Speed!
Tremble!
Oh!
Aagh!
Gas!
Brakes!
Spin it, go Kyle!
So spin it, go Kyle!
S'broke!
Flip it!
Gas!
Nitro!
Go!
Let's rock!
Let's roll!
Car chase city patrol!
Let's rock!
Let's roll!
Just a fuckin' rigmarole!
Let's rock!
Let's roll!
Car chase city patrol!
Let's rock!
Let's roll!
Rockin' was the ulti-mofo!
Uh!
Car chase city!
Car chase city!
Car chase city!
Car chase city!
[Host:] Hey guys, you're running a little late.
There's no spot left. You got any new material?
[JB] What we got's gonna turn your brain to shit.
[KG] Dust off the stage, Open Mic Host. Step aside.
[beelz] I am complete!
[both] Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck!
[beelz] yes you are fucked, shit out of luck
now I'm complete and my cock you will suck
This world will be mine and you're first in line
you brought me the pick and now you shall both die!
[JB] Wait! Wait! Wait!
you motherfucker
we challenge you to a rock off!
give us one chance to rock your socks off
[beelz] Fuck, fuck, fuck
the demon code prevents me
from declining a rock off challenge
what are your terms? what is the catch?
[JB] If we win, you must take your sorry ass back to hell.
and also you will have to pay our rent
[beelz] And what if *i* win?
[JB] then you can take Kage back to hell...
[KG] What?
[JB] trust me Kage, its the only way,
[KG] What the fuck are you talking about?
[JB] to be your little bitch.
[beelz]
Fine! Let the rock off begin!hahahahaa
I'm the devil i love metal!
Check this riff it's fucking tasty
I'm the devil i can do what i want,
whatever i got I'm gonna flaunt,
there's never been a rock off that I've ever lost
i cant wait to take Kage back to hell
I'm gonna fill him with my hot demon gel
I'll make him squeal like my scarlet pimpernel
[JB] Noooooo!
c'mon Kage bring the thunder
[KG] there's just no way that we can win,
that was a masterpiece.
[JB] listen to me
[KG] he rocks too hard because he's not a mortal man
[JB] goddamn-it Kage,
he gonna make you his sex slave,
you're gonna gargle mayonnaise
unless we bust a massive monster mamma-jam.
[KG] dude, we've been through so much shit,
[JB] deactivated lasers with my dick
[bOTH] now its time to blow this fucker down!
[JB] C'mon Kage now it's time to blow doors down
[KG] I hear you Jables now it's time to blow doors down
[JB] Light up the stage cause its time for a showdown
[KG] We'll bend you over then we'll take you to brown town
[bOTH] Now we've got to blow this fucker down
[KG] He's gonna rape me if we do not blow doors down
[JB] C'mon Kage cause it's time to blow doors down
[KG] Oh we'll piledrive ya, it's time for the smackdown
[JB] Hey anti-christ-er, Beelzeboss,
we know your weakness our rocket-sauce
we rock the casbah, and blow your mind
we will defeat you, for all mankind
you hold the scepter,
we hold the key
you are the devil,
we are the D [18x]
[beelz]
You guys are fuckin' lame. Come on Kage, You're coming with me.
Taste my lightning fuckers!
[Tenacious D:]
[JB] NO!
[beelz]
ow! Fuck!
My fuckin' horn!
oh no!
[JB] From whence you came you shall remain,
until you are complete again
[beelz]
No! Fuck you Kage and Fuck you Jables!
I'll get you Tenacious D!
Cause it's the Pick of Destiny child,
you know we will be rockin' cause it's fuckin' insane.
It's just the Pick of Destiny child,
More precious than a diamond on a platinum chain.
In Venice Beach there was a man named Kage.
When he buskin he was all the rage.
He met Jables and he taught him well.
All the techniques that were developed in hell.
Cock-pushups and the power slide.
Gig simulation now there's nowhere to hide.
They formed a band they named Tenacious D.
and then they got the Pick Of Destiny.
Cause it's the Pick of Destiny child,
you know we will be rockin' cause it's fuckin' insane.
It's just the Pick of Destiny child,
our tasty moves are better than a chicken chow mein.
Cause he who is sleazy,
is easy to pleasy.
and she who is juicy,
must be loosy-goosey.
and he who is groovy,
will be in my movie, so come on!
The wizard and the demon had a battle royale,
The demon almost killed him with an evil kapow.
But then he broke his tooth,
and thus the demon said Ow.
Cause it's the Pick of Destiny child,
you know we will be rockin' cause it's fuckin' insane.
It's just the Pick of Destiny child,
you know our movie's better than a Citizen Kane
Cause he who's a geezer,
must live in my freezer.
and she who is snarky,
is full of malarkey.
and he who is groovy,
must be in my movie, so come on!
Cause if you're a diva,
then go to Geneva.
and if you're a croney,
then suck on my boney.
and if you are groovy,
then get in my movie,
It's called the Pick of Destiny.
It's called the Pick of Destiny!
You can't kill the metal
The metal will live on
Punk-Rock tried to kill the metal
But they failed, as they were smite to the ground
New-wave tried to kill the metal
But they failed, as they were stricken down to the ground
Grunge tried to kill the metal Ha,hahahahaha
They failed, as they were thrown to the ground
Aargh! yeah! [x2]
[singing]
No-one can destroy the metal
The metal will strike you down with a vicious blow
We are the vanquished foes of the metal
We tried to win for why we do not know
New-wave tried to destroy the metal, but the metal had its way
Grunge then tried to dethrone the metal, but metal was in the way
Punk-rock tried to destroy the metal, but metal was much too strong
Techno tried to defile the metal, but techno was proven wrong
Yea!
Metal!
It comes from hell!
I give 1000 dollars to whoever says what do these lyrics correpond to.
