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Tell a good joke


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as the topic says , tell a good joke. doesnt really matter if you found it online or in a book or whatever, just post it. also whoever is reading the topic keep in mind some jokes may be offensive.

il go first.

The Pepsi Theory

A man and his wife were getting a divorce at a local court.

But the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother jumped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she had brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children.

The judge asked for his side of the story too. After a long moment of silence, the man rose from the chair and replied:

"Judge, when I put a dollar into a vending machine, and a Pepsi comes out, does the Pepsi belong to me or to the machine?"

Edited by WRX22B1998
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The Recess theory...

One night a man in his car was eating chocolate, and another was eating peanut butter. They where both driving not paying attention to the road. So they both crashed into each other. Officer Recess approached the scene and asked:

Recess: What seems to be the problem?

PeanutButter Guy: Hey put chocolate in my peanut butter.

Chocolate Guy: He put peanut butter in my chocolate!

Recess takes a bite of the two combination's. And smiles... He then pulls out a Glock and blows the two men away.

And thats exactly how it happend. :)

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A car was running too slow on a highway. A traffic cop on patrol said to his colleague, "Ain't these drivers as dangerous as the fast ones?" and pulled the car over. upon looking inside he found five old ladies totally pale and shivering.

The cop said to the driver, "Old lady, you shouldn't be driving that slow on this highway"

The lady said "But every signboard on this road reads 22"

The cop informs "That is not the speed limit, its the Route no. 22"

"Oh my bad, officer, thanks for informing"

The cop asks, "Well thats ok, but why are all of these ladies shivering and pale like milk?"

"Oh thats nothing, we just crossed Route 167"

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Blonde paint job

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.

"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"

The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?"

The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.

"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."

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