first things first...
@ spider vice: mate in england we have a saying "thats like the pot calling the kettle black" no it is not a racist remark it means you are being a hypocrit... your grammar isn't exactly perfect either is it?
@ samil: i agree evolution, started good but was a bit shoddy towards the end... now i am not much of a creative writer so i am not going to tell you how to improve, because quite frankly i don't know... however some basic punctuation and grammar and spelling would be excellent, saying that i am impressed because i am sure as hell i wouldn't have been able to write that story in another language as coherently as you did, well done mate