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Meet The Spartans. Critisize it.


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Are you tired of hearing about Youtube, Chris Crocker, "Transformers," "300," Bald Britney Spears, "American Idol," "Spider Man 3," Donald Trump, Tyra Banks, "Stomp the Yard," "Happy Feet," "America’s Next Top Model," "Deal or No Deal" and Paris Hilton? Well, the producers of “Meet the Spartans” really don’t care, so they took all of the idiocy, hype, and hooplah of 2007, and packaged it into the insta-cash machine known as “Meet the Spartans,” a “spoof” movie that proves this sub-genre gets lazier and lazier every year, by taking all the material from YTMND, “Robot Chicken,” and Youtube and rehashing it into a ninety minute gaff fest that really just forces more of the tabloid junk down our throats for mass consumption.

And you all went to see it. Anyway...

I’m not judging, I can see the appeal of rehashed pop culture from thirteen months ago regurgitated into a movie. I’m just not sure why “Meet the Spartans” couldn’t have been a little more clever in its delivery; hell, if given a little more imagination and effort, it could have been just a mediocre entry, rather than probably the most excruciating experience I’ve ever had in the theaters in my life. Seriously, I hurt, my bowels hurt.

We’re in an age where just introducing elements from 2007 is considered satire, and the writers (is it 5 of the 2 writers from “Scary Movie,” or 3 of the 20? Who knows?) simply just dole out every element from the last year and a half and expect us to chuckle something that’s been thrown through the ringer a hundred times over, already. “Meet the Spartans” surrounds the soldiers of Sparta committing to their exact mission from the original movie, and the directors feel they have to satirize the concept by lazily mimicking every shot of the aforementioned film.

Granted Sean MaGuire commits to a decent impression of Gerard Butler, but the writers aren’t even trying here, and it shows two fold. At one point, a character sits muttering one liners from the aforementioned year (“For shizzle… my nizzle… Save the Cheerleader… Save the World… Jack Black says what…?”), and actors in the cast often break the fourth wall to acknowledge that what we’re seeing is just utter trash; there’s even a moment where Carmen Electra reads a review quote to Leonidas from Harry Knowles who proclaims this a cheap rip-off of “300.”

That scene particularly fumes me, as right now there are many great and incredible films and filmmakers just begging for their chance in Hollywood. There’s possibly a new Mel Brooks or Woody Allen on in our midst praying for the chance to wow us, and we’re watching a movie that actually turns to us and declares “Yes, we know it’s awful, we’re just trying to take your money.” So, who is the sucker in this affair? You who launched it to the top of the box office, I who wasted ninety minutes of my life just to review it, or the studios who openly admit they’re unleashing a turd on us? That’s a question to take with you to bed.

Hacks Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg are men who have built their careers around these genre offerings from “Scary Movie” to “Epic Movie,” and these two men haven’t a single creative bone in their bodies. But judging by their self-satirical Youtube video, much of their humor or lack thereof accurately translates onto the big screen quite well. Seriously, these are the guys in High School mimicking every single popular phrase on television and calling themselves brilliant comedians for it. The problem is, they’re the only ones laughing.

It’s rare that a movie makes me ill these days, and it’s rare that I can see a movie and hate the people behind it with such abhorrence, but “Meet the Spartans” rises to the challenge and convinces me that, at this rate, we’re already in the film crapper with or without the writers. And Hollywood will rush to dole out more “satire.”

Hey, Carmen Electra has to eat, too.

I dunno, when I saw this move on demand. I just felt like smashing my damn head agaisnt the glass for my $3.99 back. Or if I saw this in theaters. I would of shamed the projecter too.

What are your opinions about this Fat , Sleazy Movie?

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Warranty covers damage caused by throwing the remote through the Tv due to rage? wow!

Spoof/Parody movies have gotten old. annoying and whatever the opposite of creative is. At first it was good for some lulz, Scary movie 1 and 2 where good, 3 and 4 were fairly okay. Meet the Spartan, Not another Teen movie, the Narnia spoof movie etc where just crap although. Most of the directors just put a hot actress in there and milk on sex insted of thinking up something innovative. Its like Oh I don't have a good script to make a good movie lets beat the shit out of some other good movie and make it seem funny so people will go watch it.

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Meet the Spartans was just over 60 minutes long and full of excessive product placements. I wouldn't even call them product placement but just commercials. The following is a brief example; three minutes in to the movie the main character is starving and finds a Subway foot long sub sandwich. There was no joke made about it other than Subway foot longs are not very tasty. Coke was proud sponsor of the Pit of Death joke. Apple Computers was the sponsor of the "Wifely Advice" scene which failed to get a laugh. Maybe it was supposed to be funny that primitive men had advanced technology like laptops and cell phones? Maybe once but not over and over and over. Other proud sponsors was UPS, Red Bull, Dentyne, Gator-aid, Budweiser, T-Mobile, Gray Goose Vodka and The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf. Yes all those in just 60 minutes not much room for humor.

The jokes are in extremely poor taste, from child abuse, racism, homophobic slurs, overtly large male testicles, blurred shots of women's gentiles, and over done celebrity gags. The length of any given joke could last a long time. For example the "Pit of Death" joke ran a full 5 minutes long or 8% of this entire movie. There is a Paris Hilton joke about mid point in the 60 minute commercial that lasted too long and was later revisited again later for more pumping of an already dry well. Another gag that lasted 6 minutes or more, 10% of this film, was the break dance and yo momma routine and was an insult to the African American race. Promptly followed by a beer commercial.

The actors like Carmen Electra is really getting too old at 36 to play as a sex symbol to us teens anymore. Unless you're into dating your mother. To me she looks like an average soccer mom. If you want to see Carmen Electra nude look at an old Playboy magazine she is not nude in this movie and I rented the unrated DVD. Sean Maguire seemed to be in pain more than anything else. His acting ability suffers greatly and his ability to deliver the bad homophobic jokes even more so. I was actually sad to see TV star Kevin Sorbo from "Andromeda" and "Hercules" having to suffer through this movie. Not that he had much of a career but he has lost any hope in acting since this disaster.

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