My background is even more f*cked up
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I am an only child, age 16, with a single parent. My mum was in a 'situation' with the owner of the restauraunt she worked in, and I was the result. My mum and dad weren't exactly besotted, and split up just as if they were bf+gf from college. My mum was 21, and obviously not married to my dad, who never saw me after i was a couple of months old, and I've never seen him since.
As i grew up, my mum met this awful seedy man, I was about 3. He was a grumpy alcoholic, although not an old man yet. He became my unofficial stepfather, and took me out to places and the lake district and restaurants and stuff. We moved to live in the same house, out of our little flat into a nice semi in a large country village. My stepdad got a job in the Netherlands, and just as I started infant school (year 1) we moved to Holland.
After a few months in Holland, my mum got fed up with him and when me and her came back to the UK for Christmas, we didn't go back, and I returned to finish Years 1 and 2 at the same school. After a couple of affairs (on his part), my mum split up (at last) and we went to live at her parents. I went to a different school there for a while. We soon moved to the house I'm in now, and I changed schools to the local primary.
Two years of hell ensued. Bullied and tormented by the kids, ignored and disrespected by the staff. Year 3 and 4 at the Primary were the worst of my life. I couldn't stay there, so my stepdad started paying for a private school. Six years there, more split ups (not quite sure if they got back together or not, certainly not officially anyway).
That was a small school, 140 pupils ages 3-18, and that grew to 200 during my time there. When I joined, I made it 10 pupils in the year. I did pretty well, my successes leading up to a 98% in a slightly-edited GCSE maths paper i took in Form 3 (year 9), and getting the top mark in the school in the UKJMC (if you don't know what that is, then dont worry). My stepdad didn't want to keep paying, we'd grown apart. So we managed to get a couple of charities (mainly trust funds) to oversee my education, on the grounds i could never go to the comp after what happened at the primary school, and i could do really well. That was a stroke of luck. The school itself was pretty enclosed, nothing much exciting happened. We were kids, we did silly things, and a couple of these, attached with no serious guilt, got me kicked out.
That was a year and a half ago, halfway through my GCSE courses. There was one other private school nearby, since the local comp was NOT an option. This new school, Yarm, seemed ideal. It was closer to home, it was the best in the region, it was larger, it had more facilities, it did more activities, half the teachers had PhDs, and they could even fit my GCSE courses into the option blocks. How good was that.
Problem was I'd been kicked out of a private school, and our tough headmaster wasn't likely to accept me, on the back of everything. I took the entrance exams, and got some character references, and he practically dragged me into the school. My previous headmaster wanted me to go to the comp, it was what i deserved, and he thought i should suffer - it was a pretty horrendous comprehensive, and no more than what I deserved. But I got into Yarm, and I wasted no time in settling down. The only problem was with the charities, but my mothers wonderful consisitent campaigning paid off, and I kept the funding.
I was given roles of responsibility, I am now one of the most respected and popular pupils amongst older kids, younger kids, and staff. I regularly attend meetings with the Dep Head, Head of Sixth Form, Headmaster, and Heads of Departments, with regards to all Theatre productions, assemblies, disco's etc. I have keys to half the school, access to a lot of expensive equipment, and am good friends with the fleet of maintinence staff and the two ICT technicians, all are amazing. It was this responsibility that gave me maturity, something I desperately needed, and my previous school lacked.
In my GCSE's this summer i ended up with 3 As, 6 Bs and an unconfirmed C. I slipped with my work, the Internet had taken over my life and I had done not nearly enough revision, and no homework. I could have got straight As and A*s, but I stopped myself from getting that. This year i selected Maths, Psychology, Geography and Computing to study for A Levels, and so far I'm keeping on top of the work. I've made a conscious effort to change, and even today i've been disposing of my problems of the past.
Sixth Form is fun, a lot more freedom and responsibility. We have to be mature, but its easy so long as you aren't influenced by crowds. Bottling up whats inside you just doesn't help anything, and makes it worse. I had to let out my entire stock of feelings towards a boy in my year. He didn't take it badly, but wasn't best pleased. Maybe I lost a friend, but my sexuality is something I have to tame. I'm a bit more extroverted now, I suppose, and it's working well so far.
The GTA Place is something I really feel close to at the moment. Okay its only a virtual place, a few pages of junk really, but the community here is so strong it really is great to see people who've never met each other helping out, making things for each other, and being really open and honest. I really do trust Chris, more than just about anybody. Maybe it's because we have no other connections that makes it easy to talk about anything. He really helps me, and I try to help him. My advice is simple: get over it. Whatever your problem is, make an alternative, and move on. Forget about what happened in the past, forget about what you can't control. You would never forgive yourself for not making the most of any upcoming opportunity, I really have to take my A levels seriously, and just get on with them and work. Okay 2 years of hard work for a much better life.
Something I just remembered. Today I met two people from the first Private school I went to. Miles was about 3 years older than me, and a complete fanny. He used to get his ears flicked on the bus all day every day, and he didn't look like he was going anywhere. He turned up at school today, I recognised him immediately (believe me, there is no way you couldn't) and I had a chat with him. He was driving an M3, going round doing odd jobs for large companies. He was doing PR in Kuwait this Summer, and had turned up at this school looking for something new. Another ex pupil was with him, doing the same, Knokkhaw (sp?), who goes round in his tank top flexing his muscles.
I suppose that was a wake up call, I never really thought about how I WILL end up in a couple of years time. How I'd like to, yes, and how everybody wants me to, yes, but not how I will. I never expected Miles to get further than the post office myself, but he's been doing some good stuff I hear. I just hope I can bump into someone I used to go to school with, and brag my heart out for a few minutes about my achievements in life.
