Dark Lord Posted June 21, 2008 Share Posted June 21, 2008 THERE'S A NEW SET OF RULES NOW!! Now it's time for the man's rules. We always hear "the rules" for the feminine side. Ok - we are now going to hear the rules from the man's side. These are our rules! 1. Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella. 2. It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances: - When a heroic dog dies to save its master. - The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse. - After wrecking your boss's car. 3. Any man who brings a camera to a bachelor party may be legally killed and eaten by his buddies. 4. Unless he murdered someone in your family, you must bail a friend out of jail within 12 hours. 5. If you've known a guy for more than 24 hours, his sister is off limits forever unless you actually marry her. 6. Moaning about the brand of free beer in a buddy's fridge is forbidden. However complain at will if the temperature is unsuitable. 7. No man shall ever be required to buy a birthday present for another man. 8. On a road trip, the strongest bladder determines pit stops, not the weakest. 9. When stumbling upon other guys watching a sporting event, you may ask the score of the game in progress, but you may never ask who's playing. 10. You may flatulate in front of a woman only after you have had sex with her. If you trap her head under the covers for the purpose of flatulent entertainment, she's officially your girlfriend. 11. It is permissible to drink a fruity alcohol drink only when you're sunning on a tropical beach ... And it's delivered by a topless model and only when it's free. 12. Only in situations of moral and/or physical peril are you allowed to kick another guy in the whohaws. 13. Unless you're in prison, never fight naked. 14. Friends don't let friends wear Speedos. Ever. Issue closed. 15. If a man's fly is down, that's his problem, you didn't see anything. 16. Women who claim they 'love to watch sports' must be treated as spies until they demonstrate knowledge of the game and the ability to drink as much as the other sports watchers. 17. A man in the company of a hot, suggestively dressed woman must remain sober enough to fight. 18. Never hesitate to reach for the last beer or the last slice of pizza, but not both, that's just greedy. 19. If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you'd better be talking about his choice of beer. 20. Never join your girlfriend or wife in discussing a friend of yours, except if she's withholding sex pending your response. 21. Phrases that may NOT be uttered to another man while lifting weights: - Yeah, Baby, Push it! - C'mon, give me one more! Harder! - Another set and we can hit the showers! 22. Never talk to a man in a bathroom unless you are on equal footing (I.e., both urinating, both waiting in line, etc.). For all other situations, an almost imperceptible nod is all the conversation you need. 23. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that. 24. Never allow a telephone conversation with a woman to go on longer than you are able to have sex with her. Keep a stopwatch by the phone. Hang up if necessary. 25. It is acceptable for you to drive her car. It is not acceptable for her to drive yours. 26. Thou shalt not buy a car in the colors of brown, pink, lime green, orange or sky blue. 27. The girl who replies to the question 'What do you want for Christmas?' with 'If you loved me, you'd know what I want!' gets an Xbox. End of story. 28. There is no reason for guys to watch Ice Skating or Men's Gymnastics. Ever. 29. We've all heard about people having guts or balls. But do you really know the difference between them? In an effort to keep you informed, the definition of each is listed below: 'GUTS' is arriving home late after a night out with The guys, being assaulted by your wife with a broom, And having the guts to say, 'are you still cleaning or are you flying somewhere?' 'BALLS' is coming home late after a night out with the guys smelling of perfume and beer, lipstick on your collar, slapping your wife on the ass and having the balls to say, 'You're next fatty!' From some Counter-Strike forum i visited at random Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WRX22B1998 Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 lol nice, these are funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Connor Posted June 22, 2008 Share Posted June 22, 2008 The last one was funny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kitsune Inferno Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 This is WAY funnier than that rules for young girls topic RyanVG made a year and a half ago. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NZ91 Posted June 23, 2008 Share Posted June 23, 2008 Lmao those are good Lol "whohaws" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YellowJacket Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Some of those are pretty homophobic, if you think about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chris82 Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Yes I've seen that list before, it is pretty funny. Except for the one about the birthday presents, that's bullshit. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dirty Harry Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Some of those are pretty homophobic, if you think about it. Yeah I thought that too. What hapened to a man shall never hit a lady! Should be in there! Really, we men should go back to being gentlemen. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GTA Don Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Yo, I used to wear Speedos! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Urbanoutlaw Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Glad to see I'm not the only "old schooler" around here. Yo, I used to wear Speedos! But we won't hold that against you. Balls is giving her a gift that shows how much you really care, a SHOTGUN! (did that first year I was w/ Mamma Kitty.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustADummy Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Haha lol. Yeah, we should get our asses back to the 70´s Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Urbanoutlaw Posted June 25, 2008 Share Posted June 25, 2008 Haha lol.Yeah, we should get our asses back to the 70´s I miss the '70s. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aemboy15 Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 I miss the 90s. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mendoza Posted June 26, 2008 Share Posted June 26, 2008 that Xbox one is great Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mike356 Posted July 2, 2008 Share Posted July 2, 2008 eh must of those rules be true anyways Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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