'Wacky Web Tales'

[Genocide]

On the Track of Bigfoot

One shitty day, our class went hiking along the Antarctica River. Like all bitchy hikers, we were ready for any emergency. In our backpacks, we carried prostitutes, dicks, and one whore.

As we walked along the trail, Mr. Jackoff noticed a urinal colored footprint. "Do you think a dumbass made these tracks?" Mr. Jackoff asked.

"No, but let's follow them anyway," suggested Skyline.

We raped for hours. Then I screamed, "Let me climb up your ass!! I think I see a huge penis."

"Shit!" we heard someone say. It was Hilary Clinton.

"Hilary Clinton!" we screamed. "We thought you were a huge penis!"

"Do I look like a huge penis? Well, as long as you're all here, you can help me look for bitches. There are lots of them here along the Antarctica River. We can take them back to school and study them under our microscopes."

"gently caress!" everyone said.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

LMFAO

[Spaz The Great]

Welcome to The Chris82 Show! Tonight Chris82 will be interviewing Jenifer Lopez.

Chris82: And here's my first guest now. Glad you could join us tonight, Jenifer Lopez. Having you on the show makes me feel Hard!

Jenifer Lopez: It makes me feel Hard, too, Chris82! It's Big of you to invite me.

Chris82: There's been a lot of wet talk about your trip to Penisville with Spaz. In fact, in today's The Vagina Times, Chris wrote a column about your trip.

Jenifer Lopez: I read it, but that reporter made up the whole story. Spaz and I have never even been to Penisville. In fact, we haven't been out of Ohio for 2 years.

Chris82: Sounds like you were framed.

Jenifer Lopez: That's right. What else would you like to know?

Chris82: Is it true that you own more than 99 Dicks?

Jenifer Lopez: I do own Dicks, but only two.

Chris82: Well folks, we're out of time. Thanks, Jenifer Lopez. I really enjoyed frolicking with you!

Jenifer Lopez: I enjoyed frolicking with you, too!

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

gently caress yeah I took her to Penisville! I'm glad she enjoyed fuckin' you, to!

[chris82]

Ocelot had everything a Vagina could ask for. He had big food, a big, veniy bed, and the Chris82 family to look after him.

One morning Ocelot woke up. "I'm hungry!" he said. He went down to the Federal Sex Hall, but everyone in the Chris82 family was still asleep. "I guess I'll have to find my own breakfast," he said.

Ocelot went outside and Gave Head down the street. On the sidewalk, he saw a hairy Penises. "Gulp!" Down went the Penises. "Not bad!" said Ocelot.

Next, Ocelot headed for the park. There he found a pair of Cunts just sitting on a bench. "Gulp! Gulp." Down went the Cunts. "Mmmm, wet!" said Ocelot.

Ocelot was feeling very huge as he skipped over to a video store. There he saw some tasty video games. "Gulp! Gulp! Gulp!" Ocelot swallowed Halo and Grand Theft Auto whole.

"SHIT! It must be time to go home," said Ocelot. He Fucked back home and up the stairs to his veniy bed.

"Breakfast! Time for breakfast, Ocelot!" called Mrs. Chris82.

"I don't feel very well," groaned Ocelot. "It must have been those Dicks I ate for supper last night." Burp!

____________________

Let me tell you about my favorite place. It is called Moneyville. Everyone there always dresses in Blue, and all the cars and the Vaginas are Blue, too.

Green Day came to do a concert in Moneyville once, and the band liked it so much they never left. Now every Friday night, all the people who live in Moneyville put on their thick, Blue condoms and walk their Vaginas to the town square. Then they sit on the grass, listen to Green Day play Rock music, and eat Dicks.

No one has to go to school in Moneyville unless they want to. Of course, everybody wants to because Britney Spears and Kevin Smith are two of the teachers. Britney Spears teaches Sex Education and Kevin Smith teaches Fucking.

One day Britney Spears said to Kevin Smith, "Maybe we should take the students on a field trip."

"That's a retarded idea, Britney Spears," said Kevin Smith. "Let's take them to the most fun place we can think of."

"But that would be Moneyville," said Britney Spears.

"You're right!" Kevin Smith exclaimed. "Call off the field trip! We're already here!"

[Spaz The Great]

Welcome to The Spaz Show! Tonight Spaz will be interviewing Dr. Seuss.

Spaz: And here's my first guest now. Glad you could join us tonight, Dr. Seuss. Having you on the show makes me feel horny!

Dr. Seuss: It makes me feel horny, too, Spaz! It's wet of you to invite me.

Spaz: There's been a lot of hard talk about your trip to Antartica with cute little asian chick. In fact, in today's The Spaz Weekly, Jack Miough wrote a column about your trip.

Dr. Seuss: I read it, but that reporter made up the whole story. cute little asian chick and I have never even been to Antartica. In fact, we haven't been out of Florida for 19283759403 years.

Spaz: Sounds like you were framed.

Dr. Seuss: That's right. What else would you like to know?

Spaz: Is it true that you own more than 2103347534839202934759 cunts?

Dr. Seuss: I do own cunts, but only two.

Spaz: Well folks, we're out of time. Thanks, Dr. Seuss. I really enjoyed frolicking with you!

Dr. Seuss: I enjoyed frolicking with you, too!

I'll let YOU decide what are the add-ins.

[Akuma]

Amusement Parks, The 'Cleaner' version.

An amusement park is always fun to visit on a hot summer

Spaz. When you get there, you can rent a

Chris and go for a swim. And there are lots of

erect things to eat. You can start off with a hot dog on

a penis with mustard, relish, and ants

on it. Then you can have a buttered ear of cookie with a

nice wet slice of watermelon and a big bottle of

cold semen. When you are full, it's time to go on the

roller coaster, which should settle your glass.

Other amusement park rides are the Dodge-Em which has little

batteries, that you drive and run into other rocks,

and the Merry-Go-Round where you can sit on a big Chris82

and try to grab the gold Genocide as you ride past.

[chris82]

Summer vacation is almost over! That means I have to start catching up on my summer reading list. This year a wanker gave us a really long list. We have to read 12345 books. I know I should have started sooner, but I've been having too much fun swimming and water-fucking at 82 Lake.

So far, my favorite book is "Chris Potter and the Chamber of pussies." Chris Potter goes to a school called nutsackwarts. Instead of learning math and social studies, the students learn things like how to turn Titties into Semen. And instead of getting letters through the mail, the students get their mail by middle finger post.

Chris Potter's worst enemy is a large wizard named Lord VoldePenis. Chris gets help from kokane Granger and Spaz Weasley, who has bright blue hair. The three friends count on Professor Dumbledore and Professor Vagina, who teaches History.

In "Chris Potter and the Chamber of pussies," Chris has to fight an evil plot by Lord VoldePenis. But if you want to know what happens, you should read the book. Then you'll want to read the sequel, "Chris Potter and the Prisoner of Shittyville, Ohio!"

[Chrisman]

fishamabob had everything a google could ask for. He had bomb food, a big, vagina bed, and the jingle bells family to look after him.

One morning fishamabob woke up. "I'm hungry!" he said. He went down to the stairs, but everyone in the jingle bells family was still asleep. "I guess I'll have to find my own breakfast," he said.

fishamabob went outside and saw an evil dick down the street. On the sidewalk, he saw a big plane. "Gulp!" Down went the plane. "Not bad!" said fishamabob.

Next, fishamabob headed for the park. There he found a pair of dicks just sitting on a bench. "Gulp! Gulp." Down went the dicks. "Mmmm, dick!" said fishamabob.

fishamabob was feeling very fishy as he skipped over to a video store. There he saw some tasty video games. "Gulp! Gulp! Gulp!" fishamabob swallowed a movie and another movie.

"gently caress!!!! It must be time to go home," said fishamabob. He fucked back home and up the stairs to his vagina bed.

"Breakfast! Time for breakfast, fishamabob!" called Mrs. jingle bells.

"I don't feel very well," groaned fishamabob. "It must have been those dicks I ate for supper last night." Burp!

Spaz: Did you try out for the table in the school play?

Chris: I wanted to be a cocksucker, but I didn't get the part. I don't know why. I wore omg fish on my dick and fish dicks on my pussy. Then I fished ass and sang "i like dicks." When I finished, Mr. liquor fucked me on the stage and told me I didn't get the part.

Spaz: You must have felt sad.

Chris: Not really. Mr. liquor told me I could get butt fucked by the curtain. That'll be a blast!

The S Twister

A sadly suck stung evil on the fishamebob.

The H Twister

The gumbli, amboolence gumbrel umbrella with a huge, timmy fish.

This one is my BEST:

The Cocksucker is an animal that has

yellow fur with white spots on its

dick and pussy.

Its tail is shaped like a table,

which it uses to put dickheads on dicks. An adult Cocksucker may weigh

more than 120 pounds and stand over 50 feet high.

The Cocksucker can be found only in

dickland and pussyland. Although its

favorite food is fishies, it also likes to eat tables. If

you ever see a Cocksucker, be sure not to ever sing "oops i did it again." That

song makes it kill you. Instead, give it a few fishies and be on your way.

Edited September 11, 2005 by Chrisman

[chris82]

Most Penis only tell you where to travel. This one teaches you how to travel to get the Pleasuring out of your Bawls and money. Rick Stevens Fuckingers are easy to spot - they're making the most friends, having the most Shit, and spending less money. Rick's back door Fucking philosophy - drawn from more than 20 years as a Fuckinger and tour guide - is for anyone who wants an authentic Squeezing your mom's tits experience, no matter what their Fucking budget.

____

While in Africa a few years ago searching for the rare blue wanker. Chris82, a world-renown wildlife film-maker, came across a great discovery -- the wanker uses its Penis for pleasuring itself! Capturing this on film was difficult. At first, the wanker was very wet .One day, 82 approached the wanker . The wanker ran away with its Penis! " Shit! I must get that on film!" cried 82, who went to get the movie camera from the tent. When 82 returned, the wanker had fucked himself! Before 82 had a chance to film anything, this creature had used its Penis to eat himself straight into the lens of the camera! Creatures do the most hard things! It's a good thing Chris 82 kept trying -- now the world can see it for themselves!

[Sherman]

The Field trip thing. Or was it The Vacation.. o.O

One day my Uncle Stumpy and my Aunt Dave said they would take me and my sister Dave's mom on a trip to North Carolina.

"You will love North Carolina," said Aunt Dave. "It is famous for its wild beaver cocks, its pink flowers, and its beautiful fucking hills."

"I hope you packed plenty of cunts for the ride," said Uncle Stumpy. "It will probably take us 1337 hours."

So we all piled into Uncle Stumpy and Aunt Dave's Holden. At first the trip was really wet. We sang "69 Bottles of mucus on the Wall." Then we counted the bitches that we saw sexing in the fields by the side of the road. But after 66 hours we had eaten all the cunts and Dave's mom was getting large.

"Are we almost there?" she asked quickly.

"Yes, cuntzy," said Aunt Dave.

Just then I saw a sign that said, "Ivanville?2 miles."

"Umm, Uncle Stumpy, is Ivanville on the way to North Carolina?" I asked.

"Yeah," said Dave's mom, pointing, "and is Tightest vagina on the way to North Carolina?"

"No!, kids," laughed Uncle Stumpy. "You can trust the expert."

"One thing's for sure," I muttered. "I don't think we're in Georgia any more."

..........................

just hate it when . . .

Mom serves vaginas for dinner.

My pet rabbits chews my Chris.

Mr.Xenon gets mad at the class for being wet.

My best friend Stumpy decides to fucking with somebody else.

I get fucked for something I didn't do.

Dad makes me wear cocks to school.

My favorite TV show "Ass: For Real" gets canceled because the station has to broadcast a news conference.

People fucking into my bedroom without knocking.

The Reefer Lucky Lulu was sinking quickly. "Abandon ship! Everyone into the cocks!" hollered Captain Rags. But the crew and passengers knew there were not enough cocks, so they threw cunts, whores, and even one enourmous ass overboard. Then everyone sexed into the small water and grabbed onto whatever they could.

Captain Rags ordered everyone to form a line, tie their crafts together, and sing "Prison Sex." First in line were Christina and Ivan, bobbing in their average dick. Next, came SpazTheGreat hanging on for dear life to a slimy duck. They were followed by 133779 others.

After 69 days, they were rescued by a strange USS Numnutz. Not one passenger from the Lucky Lulu has taken a boat ride again.

--------------------------

It was a cold, wet night. Dave and Ivan sexed around the campfire, sexing songs and eating cunts.

Soon they got tired, climbed into their vaginas, and eventually fell asleep. Suddenly, they were both wide awake. There was a loud fucking sound outside the tent. Ivan grabbed Dave's balls and held on for dear life. Dave started chanting, "Lions and cocks and boobs, oh my!" over and over again.

Then into their tent fell their friend Gerard. Gerard had been thirsty and had gone into the house for some semen. Now the semen was on the floor of their tent. But they all had a good laugh and went back to sleep.

It turned out to be a very big camping trip. And maybe next time they'll even leave Ivan's backyard.

[-BELiEVER-]

[Sherman]

pussys a la fucktard

INGREDIENTS

353256q cups of pussys

3 pounds of chopped cocks

66334 teaspoons of wet cunts

6546454 cups of semen

4643645 beaver ass

DIRECTIONS

1. fucking the pussys under cold water and place them in a huge bowl.

2. painful add the chopped cocks, wet cunts , semen, and beaver ass.

3. sexing well until all the ingredients are big.

4. Place spoonfuls of the mixture on a 9" x 12" girls.

5. Bake 31337 minutes at 64456344454 degrees.

Serves 3545e645r

-------------------------

One night something really tiny happened at the library. The characters in the stories started fucking from their books!

Spazert climbed into Charlotte's Web and started sexing with Wilbur the Pig! Dr Suess wandered into an encyclopedia and ended up lost in Ivan hall!

The craziest part was when Cat in the hat wandered into Sex and said, “Doggy, I don’t think we’re in North Carolina any more.”

Then Mr Fuckface walked in and said, “HARDER! Everybody back in place!”

The characters fucked around the room. Just in time! The students in grade 9th came in to get books for their reports, but it was safe. All the characters were back in the books where they belonged.

-------------------

he doorbell rang. Matt and Carman raced to the door. There on the doorstep was an enormous, huge box. What could be inside? They sexily fucked the box into the fag room. Carman quickly put her ass close to the box. She thought she heard a voice whisper, "harder!!"

"Hurry. Open the box!" screamed Matt. To their amazement, Sherman leaped out of the box and started singing "Aenima." There was nothing else to do but sing along.

[Spaz The Great]

It was a cold, wet night. Dave and Ivan sexed around the campfire, sexing songs and eating cunts.

Soon they got tired, climbed into their vaginas, and eventually fell asleep. Suddenly, they were both wide awake. There was a loud frolicking sound outside the tent. Ivan grabbed Dave's balls and held on for dear life. Dave started chanting, "Lions and cocks and boobs, oh my!" over and over again.

Then into their tent fell their friend Gerard. Gerard had been thirsty and had gone into the house for some semen. Now the semen was on the floor of their tent. But they all had a good laugh and went back to sleep.

It turned out to be a very big camping trip. And maybe next time they'll even leave Ivan's backyard.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Wow.... That one fits so perfectly, it's hilarious.

Ivan grabbed Dave's balls and held on for dear life.

GREATNESS!

[Chrisman]

The Best Town in the World

Let me tell you about my favorite place. It is called Chrisville. Everyone there always dresses in green, and all the cars and the Dicks are green, too.

Rammstein came to do a concert in Chrisville once, and the band liked it so much they never left. Now every monday night, all the people who live in Chrisville put on their dick, green pussies and walk their Dicks to the town square. Then they sit on the grass, listen to Rammstein play Heavy metal music, and eats Pussies.

No one has to go to school in Chrisville unless they want to. Of course, everybody wants to because Alec Baldwin and Kim jong il are two of the teachers. Alec Baldwin teaches latin and Kim jong il teaches cocksucking.

One day Alec Baldwin said to Kim jong il, "Maybe we should take the students on a field trip."

This one made me laugh... really!

The doorbell rang. Chris and Kokane raced to the door. There on the doorstep was an enormous, Sperm box. What could be inside? They frolicking Fucked the box into the Dining Room. Kokane frolicking put her Dick close to the box. She thought she heard a voice whisper, "JESUS TITTY frolicking CHRIST!!!!"

"Hurry. Open the box!" screamed Chris. To their amazement, Kim Jon Il leaped out of the box and started singing "Amerika." There was nothing else to do but sing along.

"That's a jesus titty frolicking christ good idea, Alec Baldwin," said Kim jong il. "Let's take them to the most fun place we can think of."

"But that would be Chrisville," said Alec Baldwin.

"You're right!" Kim jong il exclaimed. "Call off the field trip! We're already here!"

Another fun one

Good Stuff

Are you bothered by frolicking Dicks? Do you feel Like frolicking every day? Does your Dick hurt? Then durka durka muhammed jihad is for you! This Ass, frolicking treat is chock-full of Dicks.

Here is what Chris of Christown, Chrisville had to say about durka durka muhammed jihad. "I start every day with durka durka muhammed jihad. It's simply Sperming! Even my Dick loves it"

Don't delay! Buy durka durka muhammed jihad today!

Edited September 12, 2005 by Chrisman

[Chris]

I heard this topic needed revival.

TWO YEAR BUMP ftw.

No but seriously, that was some funny shit from two years ago I just read. Now with thousands of new members, we should try it again.

[Slyde]

Shouldn't you start a new topic? I'm bored too...

Wackytown

Wackytown is a new amusement park located outside Gay Bar. Wackytown has several distinct areas, including Lesbian Bar Blvd., Make-Believe Land, Wild West Land, and Space Land. Best of all, everything has the Wackytown difference built right in.

When you first enter Wackytown, you walk onto Lesbian Bar Blvd., which is just like the real place. There is a grocery store selling urine, meat, and poo. There is a bookstore selling orgasm and sexy time. There is even a toy store selling dildo! It's like having Lesbian Bar right in your own back yard.

The best area of Wackytown is Make-Believe Land, which includes the “No Tests School,” where students study sex, but where there are never any tests. There is also a demonstration of the “Homework Robot.” Just give your homework to the robot, press the button, and it comes out done entirely correct! It's the wave of the future!

We hope you will come visit Wackytown soon. You are sure to have a wacky time!

[Chris]

I actually just lol'd at this one I made. Seems to fit together perfectly

Road Trip!

One day my Uncle Spaz and my Aunt Sky said they would take me and my sister Lisa on a trip to Pooland.

“You will love Pooland,” said Aunt Sky. “It is famous for its wild cats, its blue flowers, and its beautiful fucking hills.”

“I hope you packed plenty of testicles for the ride,” said Uncle Spaz. “It will probably take us 43543 hours.”

So we all piled into Uncle Spaz and Aunt Sky's gypsy wagon. At first the trip was really crappy. We sang “324 Bottles of semen on the Wall.” Then we counted the tables that we saw lolling in the fields by the side of the road. But after 211 hours we had eaten all the testicles and Lisa was getting roflcoptered.

“Are we almost there?” she asked boners.

“Yes, bouncy tits,” said Aunt Sky.

Just then I saw a sign that said, “London: 2 miles.”

“Umm, Uncle Spaz, is London on the way to Pooland?” I asked.

“Yeah,” said Lisa, pointing, “and is Your Mum on the way to Pooland?”

“OH LAWD!, kids,” laughed Uncle Spaz. “You can trust the expert.”

“One thing's for sure,” I muttered. “I don't think we're in England any more.”

[Chris]

Here's another one

On the Track of Bigfoot

One crap day, our class went hiking along the The GTA Place River. Like all lesbian hikers, we were ready for any emergency. In our backpacks, we carried testicles, penis, and one dildo.

As we walked along the trail, Mrs Vaginaface noticed a retarded footprint. “Do you think a condom made these tracks?” Mrs Vaginaface asked.

“No, but let's follow them anyway,” suggested Sky.

We shitted for hours. Then I screamed, “OH LAWD! I think I see a huge vagina.”

“lawl!” we heard someone say. It was Mr Bumhole.

“Mr Bumhole!” we screamed. “We thought you were a huge vagina!”

“Do I look like a huge vagina? Well, as long as you're all here, you can help me look for lulz. There are lots of them here along the The GTA Place River. We can take them back to school and study them under our microscopes.”

“lawl!!” everyone said.

[Slyde]

ROFL

Some Days Are the Worst

What a day this was! This morning before school, my penis broke, and I had to suck all the way to school. Then the teacher announced that we would be having a test next week on 83563957 units of our textbook.

When I was sucking to the cafeteria, I stepped in horny gays. I couldn't get the lesbians off my shoes! I opened my lunch sack, and then I realized that I had grabbed my leftover lunch from last week. The only things I had to eat were stale semen and horny grapes. Luckily, gay guy had some extra ass juice, so I didn't starve!

That afternoon we had gym class. The gym teacher told us we would be fucking today, but I'd left my g-string at home. So I had to suck instead.

On the way home from school, I dropped my bag, and all of my penis fell on the ground. At least we had my favorite testicle for dinner!

It's been a long day. I hope tomorrow is better. I'm going to put on my special g-string tomorrow morning, just in case!

[Chris]

Survival!

The banana hammock Lucky Lulu was sinking quickly. “Abandon ship! Everyone into the dildos!” hollered Captain Phillips. But the crew and passengers knew there were not enough dildos, so they threw cunts, asses, and even one fucking penis overboard. Then everyone shitted into the shitty water and grabbed onto whatever they could.

Captain Phillips ordered everyone to form a line, tie their crafts together, and sing “Make A Move.” First in line were Jess and Sherman, bobbing in their crapped poo. Next, came Spaz The Great hanging on for dear life to a slimy nigger. They were followed by 999 others.

After 30 days, they were rescued by a strange lion. Not one passenger from the Lucky Lulu has taken a boat ride again.