Spam emails..

[Chris]

LMAO, I love it when I receive those spam emails which only ever seem to reach Gmail accounts. I get about 1 every day. They are always in the same context and always from some obscure country with a bank account which apparently is mine and holds millions of dollars in.

And so you know what I do? I reply to them. Yep, I actually reply to the email, I laugh at the senders name (it's always stupid). I notify them I am English and we don't use Dollars here. I notify them that their country doesn't use Dollars either. I notify them of any grammatical/typographical errors in their email. I point out the errors they make in referring to religious icons such as God.

I only do this when i'm bored though, otherwise I'll just ignore it, but here's a sample one below which I received a couple of days ago...

LET US DO THIS

Jumbo Williams <[email protected]>

Greetings,

I am Mr. Jumbo Williams the Auditor General of a Prime bank in Africa. There Is

an Account opened in this bank in 1980 and since 1990 no body has Operated on

this account again. After going through some old file in the records I

discovered that if I do not remit this money out urgently it would be forfeited

for nothing. The owner of this account is Dr.Phillip Morris , a Foreigner and a

miner at delth Gold Co, a geologist by Profession. He died since 1990. And no

other person knows about this account or anything concerning it. The account

has no other beneficiary and my Investigation Proved to me as well that his

company does not know anything about his Account and the amount involved is USD

36m) Thirty Six Million United States Dollars.

I am only contacting you as a foreigner because the bank is going to welcome

you as a foreigner that has correct information about the account, which I will

give to you before we proceed. I know that this message will come to you as a

surprise as we don't know ourselves before, we will sign an agreement for the

legitimacy of the money before proceeding further. I strongly believe in God

that you will never let me down in this business. I need your full cooperation

to make this work fine.

If you are Capable to handle such amount in strict confidence and trust we will

achieve this money immediately, because this opportunity might not Come again

in life. I will also use my Position to Influence and affect legal approvals

and immediate onward transfer of this Money to Your account with appropriate

clearance from the ministries and Foreign Exchange department. As soon as the

transfer is concluded, you are entitled to 25% of the total fund. I look

forward to your earliest reply.

Sincerely Yours,

Mr. Jumbo Wlliams

_________________________________

Doar 3,999 lei/absorbant? http://www.always.ro/duoaction.html

It's stupid isn't it. Someone is actually sad enough to write up a fake letter like that which NOBODY is going to take seriously. This is the reply I wrote, it'd be cool if somebody actually read it and replied to me, I'd be interested in what they have to say

Hi Jumbo,

I just read through the email you sent me and I'd just like to inform you of how shit it truly is. I've written below a long list of errors I found in the email. Hopefully you can correct these and send the email out to thousands more unsuspecting victims, in the hope you can lure people into your devious scheme.

1. First of all you have a shitty name. Seriously, what kind of a name is 'Jumbo', jumbo is defined as something being rather large, or oversized, if you are obese then this would be a rather pertinent name, if not you should change it by depol.

2. You typed the subject all in capital letters, this implies the statement is being shouted at me, which immediately puts me off. A more suitable subject would have been something along the lines of "Your foreign bank account?", that would have sufficed.

3. Now this is extremely careless and unprofessional. You've spelt your name wrong! How fucking dumb are you? You wrote "Sincerely Yours, Mr. Jumbo Wlliams". You missed the first 'i' from Williams. In addition to this your word ordering is incorrect, it should be "Yours Sincerely".

4. Randomly capitalised words. What for? It makes the sentences look weird and harder to interpret when first reading it.

5. Starting a sentence with 'and'. In English you cannot do this, in your case, you should have preceded it with a comma.

6. "He died since 1990."

You mean 'in' 1990 not 'since'.

7. 'nobody' is one word, not two.

8. "I am only contacting you as a foreigner because the bank is going to welcome

you as a foreigner that has correct information about the account, which I will

give to you before we proceed."

This makes no factual sense whatsoever, please consider revising the statement.

9. "as we don't know ourselves before".

Again this makes no real sense, I don't know about you but I know myself. Presumably what you meant here was "know each other beforehand".

10. "I strongly believe in God that you will never let me down in this business. I need your full cooperation to make this work fine."

Your religious beliefs have no relevance in this case.

11. "we will achieve this money immediately".

What is that supposed to mean? The word you are looking for is 'acquire', not 'achieve'.

12. "I look forward to your earliest reply"

Oh so you're not looking forward to any replies after that then, not a good business prospect in my opinion.

Now those were just some of the grammatical errors I picked up on, I'm aware there are more.

I would now like to point out the geographical flaws of this. You're sending this email from Romania (at least your email address proves this). Not to mention the signature which is written in Romanian. The bank account is allegedly in Africa. That's great, narrows it down to 1/5 of the entire world. Africa is a huge continent, it would help if you could specify the country's name. I am in England and if I did have a sum of money totalling millions of Dollars I would keep it in a Swiss bank account for privacy, secrecy and security reasons. Africa is notorious for insecure government policies, I would never hold a bank account there.

Oh and I already have BILLIONS of dollars which I've earnt from similar emails like this, I haven't had time to spend it all yet, I can't find many more mansions here in England, or nice cars, I have most of the luxurious cars I wished for as a kid. Please refrain from sending more emails like this to me, at least until I've spent the rest of my apparent fortune anyway.

Thanks for the offer anyway.

So as you can tell I was incredibly bored to write all of that, you probably didn't even read all of it. . well it was a bit of a laugh.

[Sherman]

Haha, people get dumber and dumber these days..

Chris you pwn.

[Bryzed]

Dude, after the reply you should of put a pwned picture. Lol, that will be hilarious.

[Chris]

You wrote "Sincerely Yours, Mr. Jumbo Wlliams". In addition to this your word ordering is incorrect, it should be "Yours Sincerely".

Actually, "Sincerely Yours" is correct.

I admire your knowledge of the English language. I've never actually seen it written like that, that's why I thought it was incorrect.

Haha, people get dumber and dumber these days..

Chris you pwn.

Thank you.

[mvi]

I looked just now, I have three exactly the same emails selling Viagra (of all things) plus a software site, that's quite good http://www.infrasoft.biz/. I don't know how these people get our addresses, lucky there's auto spam filter

[Oscar]

I get around 5 daily spam emails at my gmail account, the price you pay for a gig of free space.

[Sherman]

I know its not Gmail.. but on my old hotmail acount, got spammed from some guy with no life. It had random characters in it.. I was assuming it was the same guy/girl since they were from these non-sense accounts..

I seriously think they got my pw or something, I cant ever get in.

[Oscar]

One of my oldest got spammed so bad I had to change it too, wasnt a hard thing to do since I was waiting for a reason to do that.

[Cough7007]

On my old Yahoo account, I used to get spams 24/7/365. But for some reason, one day, it all stopped. I stopped getting spam. I just got the mail I wanted to get. Weird, huh? Oh well, I have Gmail now so it's no longer "that big" an issue. I haven't had a spam in YEARS.

[MaxPayne]

Outlook Express is the worst i get 100 emails a day and most of its all junk

[zimoo]

All my emails on my account are spam. I get sent about 50 porn emails every day, a couple of emails trying to sell viagra to me and a few trying to get me to switch mortage deals

[Chris]

LMAO. I get those ones for viagra everyday on my unused hotmail account which I check anyway (I dont know why).

Anyhow one of them was saying something like this:

Would you like to have a 10 inch penis?

to which I replied:

Well yeah if you've got one going I'll take it. I can always sell it on eBay if I'm not satisfied with it, right?

I love answering people back.

More people now get pwn3d by me.

[mvi]

It's a bit stupid sending spam these days as virtually all email systems filter out spam

[Spaz The Great]

Where I live a law was passed not towtruck long ago against spam. It is not illegal for me to send spam

I'm going to literatlybuy like 200 cans of spam and mail them out to everyone.

Outlook Express is the worst i get 100 emails a day and most of its all junk

Outlook is just a mail client. It has nothing to do with what mail you get.