Slavik Von Stockholm

And thats why you don't do air tricks above Area 69. I can fly a Hydra above the sea, start turning 1/4 way into a barrel roll, and then have the wing enter the water and keep flying while skimming the edge.

We nead a total (for lack of a better word) cleansing of n00bs. Hunt every single one down and just annoy/flame/and other anti-n00b acts until there is not a n00b left. Annoy them so much so that they would want to change just to get us back. Yes this is far-fetched and probably very stupid but I think theres no other way when 99.9% of all n00bs think they arn't.

Have to agree, this story makes no damn sense. Somebody read it through and see how screwed up this thing is.

Thats easy just reverse the up-down controls. Ever take a maverick at one bars height then repeatedly flip it over at angles going down at full speed and still recover. Its hard to do but in VC can easily be done with any chopper. I can do barrel rolls and loop de loops (my best was 3 until I almost hit the dirt) with an AT-100.

What are you babbling about? Who mentioned it being in future times? About 4-6 other people. Read the thread. Future just wouldn't work out. I'd personally want it in the present though.

and it hurt

(skipping spaz) ^ dosn't know the PSP is already out. < knows the battery is rechargable but has a tiny span even at full. v is getting a PSP just for the possibility of GTA.

Comedy

I would get my bullet and go crusin for tricks... WWUDI we all got trap in SA together?

Give a moment of silence for your now deceased Xbox... WWYDI games, consoles, and gaming itself were outlawed?

Deep Soul Voice: Welcome back to Pimp My Ride. Lazlow: Well here we in the *uses fingure quotes* "hood" where we are about to meet the lady whose car we are about to "pimp" out. *knocks on door* Girl who looks like a hooker: Hello? Who the f*** are you. I told you when you paid anything that happens is none of my buissness. L: No gal I'm Lazlow and this is Pimp My Ride! G: Lazlow? I never asked for no "Lazlow". Bitch get out of my house. L: We're not in your house. G: Then get off my lawn. L: We're in the middle of the city! Theres barely any grass. G: GET THE F*** AWAY FROM ME!! L: Hey wait! We'll still pimp your ride. G: .....well okay. L: See, I knew you'd come around, group hug. G: Ewww get hell away from me. You might be dieseased or something. L: Really I think that goes the other way around, better call my doctor. G: Tisk, screw you beoch. L: I hope so. G: F*** YOU! L: Well hey I don't usually do that on the first date but OK! G: Shut your mouth before I call my boyfriend! L: We'll a little adultury never hurt anyone. G: Just look at my ride. L: Oh but I thought we had something special! Its March 1990 all over again. *both looking over clover* L: WHOA! Damn, I'm sorry but jesus, I swear you just towed a car from the dump over here to be on the show. Did you? Because I remember that Big Mike episode and I swear that was my old Tampa. G: No isn't bitch. This is the car me and my playa friend first did the nastay! L: Him and about a hundred other guys. Wish I could see this guy of yours, I bet I could take him. Pimp: Who the hell is this guy? L: OH SH*T MAN! I was just talkin man no action behind the words...hey this sound like the same conversation with the cops last week. P: COPS! WHERE?! *dives behind dumpster* G: Oh come on Malcom, there ain't no cops, and if there were they couldn't arrest you for notin'. P: And thats where you're dead wrong honey. Dead wrong. So who IS this fool? Hey I told you not to be pushin yo god-given gift without me telling you who to give to. G: This is Pimp My Ride honey. P: Pimp My Ride? But wheres that killah CJ? G: He left. They gave me this dumb f***. L: Hi names Lazlow. P: My names Malcom, and your names pendejo. L: I'm sorry but its Lazlow. L-A-Z... P: Yeah I heard what you said but your name is now PENDEJO! Did you not understand me or something. L: No no no no no no. My names pendejo. Gotcha. P: Good but before we move on I must stress that you better NOT be lookin at my honey over there. Comprende Pendejo? G: Now come on Malcom don't be that way. He just hasn't met a man of your...royalty. P: Yeah but I don't want to lose you like that othe chula lost you. G: Don't be fretin, I would never want to go around with him. P: Oh I've seen what you go around with and hes definantly within reach. Now lets quit jabbering and get pimpin'. On the show I mean. L: we'll I think we csn use you for the show Malcom, gives us some insight on "yo honey" right here without revealing the ride. P: Ok cool. Hey wait were you just patronizing me or something?! Deep Soul Voice: We'll be right back after these messages. Narrator: Coming soon on Weasel. Adam Sessler is a hardcore talkshow host on "Meet The Sess"! Adam Sessler: So you like Xenosaga? Guy: Yep. AS: What the hell is wrong with you?! N: He's taking all the fun out of your games to give you the straight truth. AS: My d*ck has more life than the PSP battery! N: He dosn't throw punches. *adam sessler punches guy* N: The critics are raving about Meet the Sess. Entertainment of Vinewood: Its as if every gaming message board came to life and was brutally fused together to make one craptastic show. Showtime Mounthly: Good thing nobodies going to watch this crap. Adam Sessler while holding a gun at an interveiwed guys head: DO YOU LIKE RPGs NOW?!!!?! *Guy about to die nods his head left to right* Hes heard you call him stupid, infantile, liberal, bald, idiotic, and the worst thing to happen to tv but hes never heard you say shutup. Other Guy: Just because Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas sold over 6 million copies does not mean video gaming has gone mainstream. Adam Sessler: If I ever said anything that stupid I would shave my ass and shoot myself. "Meet The Sess". Coming soon to Weasel.

I'm sh*t on a bike. I could out fly anyone in a plane though.

^ is getting a paycheck < is unemployed v is employed at a fast food joint

Picture

Useless and though fun for a minuete then you die from a single cop punch and it sucks again. I want explosive punch so that whenever you punch something an explosion that dosn't hurt you occurs. Fight off the army with your fist!

Deep soul voice: So you wanna be a playa? But cha wheels ain't fly. You got hit us up, to get a pimped out ride. Girl: You've got to pimp my riiiiddeee! DSV: Damn right, pimp my ride! G: You got to pimp my riiiiiiddddeeeeee! DSV: Guest starring Lazlow! Lazlow: Hello and welcome to pimp my ride, now CJ had some trouble with the law and is no where to be found so I will be your new guest host Lazlow. Entire show crew: WHOOOHOOOO!!! NO CJ!!!! YYEEEAAAAHHHH!!! L: Well thank you very much. This is the best deal I've gotten since all those shows on the radio. I miss the good old days......... Director: Lazlow, the show. L: Oh yeah well today we're going to be *uses finger quotes* "pimping" this guys ride, lets take a look. Girl: Hello GTA I just like to say CJ you are sooooo sexy I would love take you to my crib anyday. We'll anyway I have this clover and damn its in a terrible shape. My playa partna been takin this ride for little spins ever since I got it and it shows. Theres bullet holes all over, the doors look like they're about to fall off, the trunk dosen't open though my playa been tellin me not to open it ever since last friday, no clue why. And theres this thing under the car by the door here. *bends down to look under car* I can't quite see it...*door falls off right on top of her head* OH SH*T! (EDIT) Girl with bloody bandage on: So PLEEEAAASSEEE GTA! PIMP MY RIDE! And make sho to send CJ!! L: I swear I remember her from somewhere...Well anyway it looks like she won't get CJ but she will get a little piece of Lazlow here am I right, am I right? *dead silence* Well I guess not. We'll be right back after a word from our sponsers. Deep Soul Voice: Hey thats my line you d*ck. Narrator: What if the world was less like this: Guy: I could use a smoke. *lighter sound* Woman: Hey put that out! N: And more like this: Guy: I could use a smoke. *lighter sound* Girl: YOU MURDERER! I could have children one day! *gunshot* N: Smoking kills, unless you kill first. If you're around a smoker you will die! Smokers may look relaxed and like they're having a good time. Don't beleive it! Its time to smoke the smokers! Smoking should be declared illeagle, even in peoples homes! Lets move up the food chain and allow honest citizens to leagly kill anyone who smokes. Vote "yes" on proposition 429. Prohibition works, lets prove it.

Zaibatsu+cars=Fun! Yay!

Deep sould voice: Welcome back to Pimp My Ride! CJ: Well so far the boys have done quite a good job with the pony and now I'm checking out what Sam is doing in the back, so whats up sam. Sam: Well I heard that this guy was a sychologist so look what I did. *unveils a sychologist couch* CJ: What the f***s that for? S: Well now he can even take care of his patients and drive at the ame time! CJ: If I ever did anything that stupid I would shoot myself! We give you thousands of dollars to pimp out rides and put nuthouse chairs in them. You f***ing moron. S: Well it was just a unique idea... CJ: It may be unique but its one of the stupidist I've ever heard. Why the hell do we pay you dumba**es?! We don't frolicking pay you to...WATCH frolicking PORNO AND MISS YOUR DAMN CUES TO CENSOR THIS!!! YOU PEOPLE ARE REALLY TESTING MY PATIENCE!!! S: Well what the hell are we supposed to do? CJ: Your SUPPOSED to go, fix the car, put a nice paint job on it, put in about ten TVS and playstation2s, so many subwoofers and sh*t like that is like a thunderstorm on wheels but instead you're doing stupid sh*t like putting couches in a van. STUPID frolicking MORONS> AND IF YOU GUYS MISS ANOTHER DAMN CENSOR AND DON"T DO YOUR JOBS I"M GOING TO CASTRATE YOUR TINY F***ING BALLS!!! EVEN THAT BITCH CATALINA WASN"T THIS F***ING ANNOYING!!! Police over intercomm: THIS IS THE LOS SANTOS POLICE DEPARTMENT! CARL JOHNSON, COME OUT WITH YOUR HANDS UP. Other Police officer on intercomm: EVERYONE JUST SHOOT HIS A**! *bullets rain into garage* (EDIT) *CJs got an minigun and is unloading into police while standing on top of the bodies of mechanics* (EDIT) CJ: YOU AIN'T GONNA CATCH ME MOTHER F***ERS!!! *CJ runs and jacks car and speeds off* (EDIT) Darius: Well its time to see what GTA did to my HOLY SH*T!! *everyone dead, pimp out pony is all blown to bits* Wounded Mechanic: How...do...you...like...it? Darius: WHY IS IT BLOWN UP LIKE THAT!?!?!? WM: Ummm...thats how its...supposed to...look....by the way...you owe...79,000 dollars....*collapses* D: WHAT THE gently caress!!! HOW CAN THIS...hey why didn't you guys censor that? (EDIT) CJ driving in beat up bullet while speeding away from cops: WELL THATS ALL THE TIME WE HAVE ON THIS EPISODE OF *bullets ricochete off of car* OH YOU frolicking BASTARDS GIVE UP!!! OH YEAH PIMP MY RIDE....*shoots at cops*...OK I SAID IT gently caress OFF MAN!! (Credits and Theme song) Girl: YOU ASSHOLE! What were you doing with my sister in that hot tub! Narrator: Diamonds last forever, but your relationship might not. So chill that bitch out with ice! G: OH A DIAMOND! So you do love me! You see most women are shallow and materialistic. So why not show them your love with a lump of carbon mined by wage slaves in Angola. Passion. It can be purchased and very expensive. G: I don't even know what I was mad at you about. You want a blowjob? A diamond is love: rock hard and frozen in time. So trust the #1 jewler in town with that love. Decock Diamonds. Proad sponser of the LS city maraton.

Catalina, hands down. Now what about Catalina vs. CJ....

^ avatar sucks < is getting a new avatar v really does have a good avatar

Dice

Yep a LOT of free time. And next edition is coming up soon.

Deep soul voice: Welcome back to pimp my ride. CJ: *knocks on door* Darius: Oh hi you must be my 12:00 come on in. CJ: Nah man I'm Carl Johnson and I'm here to pimp your ride. D: Oh well jesus. Uh... CJ: Well lets take a look at your sh*tty ride then. D: Oh yes sorry its just so unexpected wow! Carl Johnson is actually here to... CJ: Yeah yeah yeah your so f***ing happy lets just get this over with ok. *goes to pony* Sh*t what the f*** you been usin this thing fo? D: Nothing just a helper for my patients. CJ: Oh you mean all those dumb f***s you been schoolin all the time? D: No no no no no no...no. Well technically yes but that not the point your supposed to be here to fix my ride or something stupid like that. CJ: You don't even know the title of the damn show so shut the gently caress up. Now let me see....hey wait. Why didn't you guys censor that! Edit team: Honest mistake. CJ: This the fifth frolicking time...SIXTH time that you guys been to busy watching your stupid porno to do your damn job. Directer whispers: cj watch it man... CJ: F*** you bitch. Director: Never mind just get on with the show. CJ: Whatever punk. Lets take a look. *goes around car* Damn...damn...I'm speechless. For once this rides so crappy I can't even insult this thing man. Director whispers: Finally. CJ: I HEARD THAT YOU F***ING DICK, THATS IT YOU'RE DEAD YOU LITTLE BITCH!! *pulls out sawnoff shotgun* WHERE YOU RUNNING BITCH. *shoots* COME AND FIGHT YOU MOTHER F***ING COWARD!! *gets in pony and speeds after him* (EDIT) *cj drivs pony into mod shop* Mechanic: Damn. Looks like a biggest job ye...whats with the blood on the car? CJ: Nothin man, nothin. Mechanic: What the f*** happened CJ? CJ: I SAID NOTHING. What part of NOTHING don't you understand? Mechanic: What? But...oh sh*t ummm...nevermind I guess it was nothing right guys? Other mechanics: What?....OHHH yeah nothing at all. CJ: Good see every one caught my drift. I'm gonna leave you guys alone for a bit I'll be back later. (later while mechanics are stripping car) Mech 1: Damn! Whats that smell man? Mech 2: Jesus. Its like a slaughter house man. Mech 3: I think its in the pony. *rips out floor in the back* Oh sh*t. *dead mangled body of director* CJ: Hey you guys. Whats goin...who found that. *pulls out Deagle* *mechanics point at Mech 3* CJ: Thank you guys. *caps mech 3* Did any one else see this? *mechs cover body back up with floor* Nope just him. CJ: Good. And remember: it was just an unfortionate accident. *mechs all nod in agreement* CJ: Get back to work f***ers. Deep soul voice: We'll be right back after these messages. *glass breaking* Woman: ITS A ROBBER! MY FAMILY! Narrator: A burglar breaks into your house. What are going to do? Dial 911? It takes an average of 35 miniutes for police to answer a 911 call. In that time the burglar could have his way with your wife, smoke a cigarrete, flip her over and go in for seconds. So there fore protect your family. With a gun. *explosion* Ammunation narrator: WELCOME TO AMMUNATION! We have everything to protect you and your family in the harshness of a liberal scociety! Want armor piercing bullets? We got 'em. Flamethrowers? Oh yeah. And don't forget to stock up on every sportsmans favorite: THE ANTI-TANK MISSLE!!! You don't need to clean the deer when its already been minced! And on sale today pink and green tracer bullets so you can protect your family in the dark! We got everything to make everything to make you feel real manly and patriotic. From rifles to grenades! And if your to fat and lazy to throw 'em pick up a grenade launcher! Pop it in, pull the trigger, and BOOM! You've blown a hole in something. And don't forget to ask about our frequent sniper card! Buy ten guns and the next ones on us! So protect your family...with a gun!

Pimpin man. Very well done. Probably needs a better angle though.

I would join in the celebration as the world rejoiced over the defeat of the spammers. WWYDI spammers instead took over the world?