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Damjan

How to fail an exam...

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Read the rest and you'll know what im talking about.

1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.

4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

6. 15 min. Into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.

7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

11. Every 5 min. Stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. Into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.

14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)

15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.

20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.

23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.

24. Masturbate.

25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"

26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!

27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.

32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... Like history notes for a calculus exam... Otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."

33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E...."

34. Fake an orgasm. When interrupted, apologize, and explain that question #__ moved you, deeply.

35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". Rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. Strike a pose first for added effect.

(has been tried)

36. Tailgate outside the classroom before the exam.

37. If your answers are on a scantron sheet, fill it out in pen.

38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girl nearby.

39. Complete the exam with everything you write being backwards at a 90 degree angle.

40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.

41. Make Strange noises... Get people to stare... Look at the person next to you as if heshe did it.

42. Dress like the professor.

43. Cross-Dress.

44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam.

45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras.

46. Bring a pillow. Fall asleep (or pretend to) until the last 15 minutes. Wake up, say "oh geez, better get cracking" and do some gibberish work. Turn it in a few minutes early.

47. If it is a math/science exam, answer in essay form. If it is long answer/essay form, answer with numbers and symbols. Be creative. Use the integral symbol.

48. Make paper airplanes out of the exam. Aim them at the instructor's left nostril.

49. Bring cheerleaders.

50. Bring pets.

51. Do the exam with crayons, paint, or fluorescent markers.

52. Walk into the exam with an entourage. Claim you are going to be taping your next video during the exam. Try to get the instructor to let them stay, be persuasive. Tell the instructor to expect a percentage of the profits if they are allowed to stay.

53. Do the entire exam as if it was multiple choice and true/false. If it is a multiple choice exam, spell out interesting things (DCCAB. BABE. Etc. . ).

54. Go to an exam for a class you have no clue about, where you know the class is very small, and the instructor would recognize you if you belonged. Claim that you have been to every lecture. Fight for your right to take the exam.

55. Upon receiving the exam, look it over, while laughing loudly, say "you don't really expect me to waste my time on this drivel? Days of our Lives is on!!!"

56. Bring a water pistol with you.

57. Start a brawl in the middle of the exam.

58. Come in wearing a full knight's outfit, complete with sword and shield.

59. Bring a friend to give you a back massage the entire way through the exam. Insist this person is needed, because you have bad circulation.

60. When you walk in, complain about the heat.

61. One word: Wrestlemania.

62. Bring balloons, blow them up, start throwing them around like they do before concerts start.

63. Play frisbee with a friend at the other side of the room.

64. Get deliveries of candy, flowers, balloons, telegrams, etc. . . Sent to you every few minutes throughout the exam.

65. Bring a musical instrument with you, play various tunes. If you are asked to stop, say "it helps me think. " Bring a copy of the Student Handbook with you, challenging the instructor to find the section on musical instruments during finals. Don't forget to use the phrase "Told you so".

66. Answer the exam with the "Top Ten Reasons Why Professor xxxx is a Terrible Teacher"

67. Make out (or go further than making out) with your girlfriend during the exam when the instructor tries to get you to stop, look the instructor in the eye and tell him/her in an annoyed tone "EXCUSE ME!!! We're a little busy here, GO AWAY . . . "

68. Rickroll the entire exam, get a friend to blast out 'Never Gonna Give You Up' over the speakers.

Edited by XLR8

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ahahah omg. lol.

i remember someone that did an exam when i was doing mine, the tables were folding type. they would slightly fold the legs in, so the table will stay for about 10 seconds then fall over.

silence then WHAM this desk just hitting the floor, echoed through the whole exam hall. "oh sorry" and picks the desk back up. then the person next to him does it...

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lol! I remember a test I did a while back. This kid called Sam kept throwing things at people. Then the teacher turns round and starts bitching "Why on earth do you think you casn throw things in the middle of an exam?". He got up and screamed "I REFUSE TO ANSWER THAT WITHOUT A LAWYER!" then he ran out.

Here is somthing i made in MS paint:

k33vap.jpg

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I once proclaimed in a written Religious studies exam:

Please note any answer I give is actually the work of god. God is perfect, and therefore, so is the answer, no matter it's content. Please consider this when grading my paper.

Stab Suzy in the chest so she dies & it doesn't matter.

I fucking lol'd

edit: Yeah, I got an F.

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30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

I did something like this once. I had a question on a calculus test and asked the professor to get me started, give me a hint, something.

So he sits down and in the process of helping me he does the whole problem. Then he says "Well I guess I just did the whole problem for you. You better be able to explain what I did really well"

I got an A.

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In my General Studies exam I had a question asking about how humanity intergrates with science. I wrote three pages about how dinosaurs are our true masters and how they had no rules. I failed. Another General Studies exam about benefits I wrote about Pirates.

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Once in science we had to right an essay about how earth sustains life. I started writing how we where better than mars and then ended up doing 2 pages about Chewacca. I failed and had to re-write it. To bad it wasn't Star-Wars class :(

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